We should always attempt to forgive others but simultaneously protect our peace. It’s one of the few things we have some control over in this lifetime.
If you’ve ever had an estranged relationship with a friend or family member, you probably know, all too well, what resentment is. By definition, the word means to have disdain or an ill will towards someone for mistreating you. Arguments and disagreements are and always will be a part of life. It’s often the relationship and the two people in its ability to navigate those problems that make the difference.
Have you ever turned a molehill into a mountain? In other words, have you made a small problem turn into a gigantic one? We’ve all been there. None of us are perfect, and what comes with that imperfection is our sometimes uncanny ability to make things more significant than what they are. Maybe you have a lot going on in your daily life—work, school, parents, significant other, kids, side projects, friends, etc. Life isn’t easy by any means. At times, we become so aggravated and agitated from daily life and all the trials it brings; things appear more severe than they are.
Handling problems healthily by finding solutions is a terrific quality to have, but not everyone has it. It takes time, patience, and perseverance to gain this character trait. Not allowing problems to become more prominent than they are, requires perspective and growth. You see, typically throughout the evolution of arguments and betrayal comes resentment, and with that comes the disruption of your peace. You never want to let someone else disrupt or dictate your peace. Think of your peace as your spirit. You need to do anything and everything to protect it. You must be the keeper of it because no one else will.
Hopefully, if you have a tumultuous relationship with someone, you’ve gotten to a place where you can forgive them. Furthermore, to a place where you can forget about why and how they hurt you. Because at the end of the day, letting someone take up space in your mind ultimately hurts you in the long run by disrupting your peace. Forgiveness is not a simple and effortless objective, but it’s the one thing you have to do if you wish to protect your peace. Moreover, if the person you have a strained relationship with has done a half-hearted job making amends, that’s on them, and you can’t control it.
One of the biggest detriments I’ve done to myself is thinking I could change someone and what they wanted to do. Your responsibility to a relationship involves you holding up your end. If you’ve done all you could do and more to preserve the relationship by piecing the remnants back together, you’ve fulfilled your obligation. But if you continue to let the other party disrupt your peace by allowing their actions to eat away at you, because they choose not to fix it with the same goodwill and intention you do, that’s on you.
You must learn to let go because you deserve to be happy. Let go of what was, make room for what is, and remain hopeful for what will be. Far too often, we are told as children never to be selfish and look out for others. It’s a great piece of advice but only if explained thoroughly. We must read between the lines because of the details, they matter. As much as we should care about other people for the sake of humanity, we should equally care about ourselves. Sometimes, you have to do what some people would consider selfish if it means doing what’s best for you and ultimately prevents the disruption of your peace. You always have the power and right to protect your peace and owe no explanation as to why.